Friday, November 28, 2008
A day past thanksgiving, and I still give thanks. Probably mostly because I had another "Thanksgiving" feast today, and I spent more time with family. I guess my mind's still on Thanksgiving, but is it just a holiday? Is it something that I do in late November because that's the time set aside to do it? I'll admit something about myself that is clearly not my finest feature--I am a glass-half-empty person. I am a worrier. More often than I would like, I agonize over the stressful, hard, sad, hurtful, negative things in my life--thinking about the ways life is not a thanks-full event. But I want desperately to be a person that lives in a spirit of thanking God continuously for the beauty, wonder, goodness, love, and joy that is a part of my life. So, somehow, I must get from here to there, and I know it's not just a matter of will. I can't just say I am going to give thanks again and again and expect that to actually do the trick. The pesky thing about doing this is that it will take some work on my part--a constant reminder to myself to give thanks, and continuously refocusing my gaze so that it points in the direction of hope and joy. But along the way, I think I'll be thankful for the process, too, because it will make me a better person.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Today is an anniversary...it marks a month since my last blog. And it is a milestone, too--a first for me. I have become that which I loathe. I am now my own pet peeve. The thing that bothers me to the point of twitching I have now done. I have a blog, and I have not updated it in a month. A MONTH. 31 days of no words. I can only imagine what devoted readers (all 3 of you!) are thinking about this lack of posts from me. On the other hand, maybe you have enjoyed the break.
Either way, it's time to get back to the blogosphere...but not because it is expected, but because it feeds my soul. It is the thing I need to connect in a real way with God. It is my jolt in faith. It keeps me awake in my spiritual life. So, why no posts? I've had this period of blogging-block. And I've decided it must come from thinking about God too much. Just like authors who can't finish a chapter because they are over-thinking the task, sometimes I find myself too much in my head when it comes to God. "Gotta think about God now. Gotta think about God now. What am I thinking about God now? Not sure what I am thinking, other than I am thinking about thinking about God. Now, what am I thinking? God, yeah, um......"
Sometimes I get God stuck in my head, and I can't get him out. I think and think and think on God, and then, when it comes to living with him, I have trouble doing it. I've learned lately that it's not the thinking that matters most (although it does matter some), but it's the being with God that matters...the opening of our lives to God...letting God bust in wherever he wants, wherever we don't want...making space for God being with us instead of God being in the jumbled mess that is sometimes my mind....letting God out of the box...allowing God to be God.
I heard this great song last week that reminded me about being God's child instead of God's editor:
- STILL, YOU'RE STILL MY CHILD, BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD
- WAIT, WAIT ON MY WORD TO ANSWER QUESTIONS THAT YOU FIND SO HARD
- AND REST, REST FOR A WHILE UNTIL MY SPIRIT MAKES YOU NEW
- STILL, BE STILL MY CHILD, AND KNOW THAT I'LL BE GOD FOR YOU." Ed Kilbourne, "Why I'm Not Famous" Album
- What a great reminder to let God be God for us and with us as I turn my heart toward Advent. Blogs are coming, but only because Jesus is coming!