It's hard to let a thing die...especially when that something is the product of your hands, your heart, a product of you. This perfectionist wants to just make it better, do it over, fix it. But there is a time when you stand at a crossroads and imagine the knock-off version of the thing that would come from fixing it or the truly authentic yet hard and start from nothing (again) process that comes with letting the first thing go and starting the new. Whatever the thing is, I am sure you have stood at this place I am standing, and probably with much greater, more profound somethings than mine. What I am dreaming of is a new voice, a new space to write and to fill with words and life. What I must let die is this space, this season of writing, this blog. It served its purpose, but I am on to something new, I think, I hope, I dream. I am grateful for the readers who have popped by for a visit and glad to have shared this space for a while.
Thanks for sharing this time with me, and all the best to you on your journey.
Rev. Mommy aka Pastor Robin
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
When I was preparing for Ash Wednesday, I came across an article "Seize the Day: Reimagining Ash Wednesday" by Bruce Epperly.
In the article, Epperly invites the reader to observe Lent as a time of living in each moment. I interpreted this for my own life and work a little more specifically: finding the joy in each moment. For many years, I have practiced the discipline of fasting during Lent--giving up a food or behavior or activity. Theologically, I had interpreted Lent as a time that would be hard and dreary and not fun. That was the point. Getting to Holy Week should not be a pleasant experience. A couple of years ago, a church member confessed to me, "I just love Lent. It is my favorite time." And I thought she was: A. nuts B. brown-nosing C. one of those people who gets pleasure from self-denial. Because Lent just isn't fun.
Well, I can say that this year's observance of Lent has not been fun, but it has been filled with good things. And an unusual discipline. Finding the joy in each moment. This has been a good and fitting discipline for me to search for green poking through the barren limbs of this season.
At the more than halfway point, I must say that it has been an experience of God unlike any other. It has been a good Lent. It has been a holy Lent.
I have engaged in aspects of my work that I typically avoid and dislike--because they make this introvert uncomfortable-- on a more regular basis--and I have found joy here .
I have used my hands to create something--another task I avoid for fear that spending this time doing this is frivolous. I have found satisfaction here .
I have reorganized parts of my life--a task I avoid because it all feels overwhelming--and I have found peace here.
I have purged my living and working spaces of the excess--a task I avoid because having the stuff and clutter around me feels less vulnerable--and I have found contentment here.
Seizing the Day, and loving Lent.
Friday, March 11, 2011
When I was nursing littlest baby girl, I was having trouble producing enough food to supply her hungry little demands. So, I went into research fiend mode and found every scrap of info I could on how to solve this problem and fill my little one's belly. The most helpful piece of advice I found was to take a "nursing vacation." Basically, I needed to stay at home for an entire weekend, lose the distractions, and focus on feeding baby girl as much as possible. The more she ate, they said, the more she would want, and my body would respond accordingly. Well, I do focus on that, I thought. Hello, that's why I am doing so much research--because of my focus on feeding her. But, I wasn't tuning out all of the distractions. I wasn't setting aside extra time when she wasn't crying and upset and well past "hungry."
I am unapologetic about my hiatus from blogging recently. Because, my cyber friends, I have been taking a nursing vacation. Not in the literal sense, but rather, in the spiritual sense. I have been getting away from some distractions in my relationship with God. I was well past hungry. And I was waiting far too long to get my nourishment. And as the baby literature promised, the more I fed on God, the more I wanted to spend time with him. Here's to more regular blogging...and with a full heart.
"That you may nurse and be satisfied
from her consoling breast;
that you may drink deeply with delight
from her glorious bosom." Isaiah 66:11